Saturday, July 5, 2008

What do I do?


As many of you know, I have chronic liver disease. There are good days and there are bad days, thankfully more good then bad. My doctor is just waiting until I get worse before turning me over to a specialist and putting me on the transplant list. We hope and pray that it will never come to that, and we are doing everything in our ability to try to keep me as healthy as possible. It is an amazingly faith building experience to live with a chronic illness.

Sometimes I don't see why God has allowed this journey through illness for our family. It is hard on everyone who loves me. I know that they are using it as an opportunity to grow in their faith as well, as they pray for my healing, and trust me to God's care. Ofttimes I think it is hardest on the children. I'm not exactly the 'fun' Mommy. I don't have scads of energy to do lots of things with them. I can't make promises or plan too far ahead. It isn't easy for my husband either, I realize, but thankfully he has the maturity to deal with it far more graciously than I would if roles were reversed. We all just have to trust the Lord each day and rely fully on His strength.

When I look around, I see so many facing difficulties far far greater than ours. I find our struggle so small and insignificant by comparison. It gives me great comfort to think in terms of eternity - for this is really just a brief skirmish before the great reward. It is our battle, though, and so there are sometimes questions, fears and discouragements. We bring them all before the Lord each day, and trust Him, fully.

Once in a while He gives me these wee glimpses into how He is using our circumstances to build character in our children. These moments are precious reminders that there are no accidents with God.

The other day, I was ironing and Storyteller was playing with his stuffies, Mackinaw and Tiger. Tiger was the Daddy and he was hurting, having just broken his leg, a hip and his collar bone in the most dreadful accident known to man stuffed animals. He was explaining to his boss, Mr.Mackinaw Bear, that he would do what he could, but since he just got out of the hospital, his strength was pretty limited.

Mr. Mackinaw Bear: ' Well, how are you going to get along?'

Mr. Tiger: 'Just fine thank you. I have my crutches.'

Mr. Mackinaw Bear: 'Can you work if you are in pain?'

Mr. Tiger: 'Well. I am sure there will be good days and bad days. I'll work really hard on the good days.'

Mr. Mackinaw Bear:'Oh. What will you do on the bad days?'

Mr. Tiger: 'I'll still keep working, just 10 times slower. I'll just rest when I need to and keep going. I'll get my work done though. Don't you worry, God will give me strength to do what I need to do.'

Mr. Mackinaw Bear: 'I guess that will be alright. I like your attitude. Your one of my best workers. I think I'll give you a raise. How does $7 sound?'

Mr. Tiger: 'Sweet!'

Sweet.


Psalm 27:1

The LORD is my light and my salvation; whom shall I fear? the LORD is the strength of my life; of whom shall I be afraid?



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9 comments:

  1. What a great post! And how very precious to see a glimpse of what your children are learning. Thank you for sharing this.

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  3. I just experiences frustrations with not feeling good enough to be at my brother-in-law's funeral in Flordia or even doing anything special for the 4th. I encouraged Christopher to go out with friends (and he did have a great time).

    On the other hand, I see characters in both of my children that I don't see in their friends who haven't had to cope with illness and financial adversity.

    Sometimes I wonder (often I wonder, actually) if it isn't about me or my husband at all. I wonder if God has allowed both of my children to go through the trials to strengthen then for the road He has for each.

    I can see it already with my daughter and I'm beginning to see it with my son.

    I always have to remember that nothing comes to us unless He allows it, even if it is quite confusing from our part.

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  4. We are having this same on-going conversation with our dear friends from Scotland this weekend. My friend, Angie, suffers from a very debilitating para-paralysis, along with being legally blind, and a few others things. She really struggles with not being able to be what she sees as a great mum to her children and she worries about them, etc. etc. You know exactly. It's been so precious to share in these struggles this weekend with them and to watch their beautiful spirits in the midst of this. It's really incredible that they were able to make the journey with the way Angie is. Their older son (15) is just amazing and so helpful. I know Angie worries about him and how much he does sacrifice for the family. Praise God that He sees and knows that and I trust he will take care of these children.

    I am just rejoicing this summer that God has given me strength to do some of the things I never dreamed I'd be able to do with my children. I often feel guilty that I'm so much better and so many of my friends are still so ill. I feel I just can't forget them. But I guess it is a reminder for prayer for those who still walk in the midst of the trial.

    Anyway, my heart is very full right now as we are visiting with these friends.

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  5. AnonymousJuly 05, 2008

    Hi Sweetie.....

    From the mouths of babes . . . . huh ?

    I can't wait to have them here so very soon for a "Grammy and Poppa Camp Visit."

    Remember that verse I have shared so often ?

    Nahum 1: 7..... HE is a shelter in the day of trouble and HE knows them that are called by HIS name.

    Great comfort honey.

    The yard sale went well. We both are tired, but looking forward to tomorrow Lord's Day. (Actually for the first time in a few weeks.) We are going to the picnic with the Bethel famil DV.

    Then perhaps for a short M/C ride.

    Have a great day honey.

    Love Ya !

    Heffalump

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  6. The beginning of the post is tough, but the end made me laugh! Sweet!

    Thanks for your prayers for my family. I can hardly believe I have sisters I have never met praying for me, it is so encouraging.

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  7. Heather,
    I was reading the comments to Lisa's latest survey question at The Preacher's Wife and found yours to be much what mine will be.

    I have a chronic illness as well. My husband is the teaching pastor. Boundaries are my life blood and my hubby protects and enforces them. I have to pencil in appointments with the understanding if I'm not doing well I need to pull out. I find this to be difficult because my personality is one where if I say I am going to do something or be somewhere....you can just count on it.

    I experience the same struggle of not being a "fun" Mommy at times. I'm slowly learning how the slower pace and openness to my struggles is developing in them a compassion that otherwise would not have emerged without my need for it.

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  8. Hi Heather,
    I have always been thankful that my chronic illnesses hit hard after my children were out on their own. You sound like a wondeful Mama and God knows what your children need. Lessons with hand on experince to compassion for others is evident in Storyteller's story of Mr.Tiger and Mr. Bear.

    My husband is an awesome husband and I too have wonddered if the tables were turned if I would be as awesome that he is.

    I have four young granddaughters and I always feel like I am the Gramma that can't keep going like the energizer bunny. Then I came to realize that I am thankful that they have their other Grnandma's to fulffil different needs than I can. It's amazing how God balanced it all out.

    I am praying for you Heather. I love reading your blog!
    Blessings,
    Patty

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  9. Sadden what Your going through, delited your cooping, The LORD has it was to ease our pains and burdens for ALL of us.
    1 John 4:18
    " There is no fear in love, but perfect love drives out fear because fear has to do with punishment, and so one who fears is not perfect in love."

    God Bless and may God Find you comfort.

    Tim

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Thank you for taking the time to comment! I so enjoy reading your comments when you kindly share your thoughts!