Monday, December 10, 2007

Warning: Pity Party in Progress

I'm not loving recovery.  Today I had myself an all day pity party - and none of the party goers had a 'fabulous time'.  I didn't even supply finger foods or favors! We are all out of chocolate and milk. I'm not up to baking. 
I finally decided that rather than bark at the children anymore, they should be in bed - it was safer for them there. So they went to bed - at 7:00 pm.  We made our peace before bed, and they listened to Scripture in Song to sooth their hearts.   The Storyteller hugged me tight and said, 'I love you even when you're grouchy Momma - don't forget tomorrow is a new day, fresh with no mistakes!  See you tomorrow!'
I have to admit that I am desperate to get these compression bandages off.  I need sleep.  I need to stop itching.  I need a shower - and I want to see my legs again. Even if they are ugly. 
I've been cheating a tiny bit.  I take one half of my compression hose off once a day and change my unmentionables - as quickly as is humanly possible.  Sorry about that visual.  Please don't tell my doctor - pretty please!  I know what I promised on the table after surgery, but hey - I was willing to promise anything just to get off that table!  I truly thought I could follow through - but I am weak - terribly weak.  
Fresh garments daily are essential to my well-being.  I know certain boys survived at summer camp without a change of unmentionables for a week, bringing home 7 pairs of clean underwear to their mystified mom, but I am NOT A BOY!  There is something important about morale in the healing process.  Cleanliness boosts my morale.
Other than snapping at my children, I have accomplished very little today.  I took some time out from my party to give everyone the silent treatment.  That was no fun.  I did the laundry. Not so much fun either.  I really wasted the day, in more ways than one. I should have turned myself back the minute I exited my room this morning and emitted the first syllables of discord. I should have gone back and started the day in prayer.  I am all out of my established morning routine, so I skipped that and boy did it show. 
The thing is, I have one more night of misery in these bandages.  One more night of rolling and tossing and sleeplessness.  They come off tomorrow.  All my dreams of cleanliness and excessive quantities of lightly scented moisturizer will come true.  One more night.  One more day. Why am I wasting my day in depression today?  I'm not sure, but I'm glad God loves me through it, teaches me more than I'll ever understand, and that joy comes in the morning. And if I'm ever getting too full of myself, I'll just read this post, and know there is a whole lot more growing ahead for me!  Now to bed - and I won't forget to end the day where I should have begun it, taking to my Heavenly Father about my day.

4 comments:

  1. Oh as I write this I pray you are sleeping well my dear blogging friend! Tomorrow is for sure a new day, and yes what a forgiving God we have!

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  2. From one pity party indulger to another, I pray that this day would be marked by peace and joy. Let's keep seeking Him, even in, and perhaps especially in, our grouchiness!

    Blessings!

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  3. i had a c-section when i had sweetpea, and because i had had pre-eclempsia etc ... after the surgery i was put in compression boots. it was misery and that was only for one itchy, sweaty, yicky night. soo... you have my complete sympathy with having to wear compression stockings for as long as you have. enjoy your hot shower/bath and lightly scented moisturizer.

    i keep you in my prayers regularly, and isn't it nice to know that God understands when we feel grouchy and that so many of the psalms start out with "where are you God?!",to paraphrase, and yet they end with praise to Him.

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  4. I hope you are feeling better today, Heather. (((hugs)))
    Kelli

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